PinkAngel2017

Everytime I hear something about being gay or bi or something along those lines, I start to think about how I am slowly becoming more accepting of myself and yet not at the point of wanting to share it with the world or even people around me. It was easier years ago when I had my best friend around and had someone to talk to and share things with and there has been no one else like that in forever and I find myself thinking about him a lot. There was a time that we didn't talk after the first time I deleted and blocked him and then we reconnected and then had a period where I hardly heard from him and let him go again..I had thought about sending him a friend request again and then I realized that if he wanted to be a part of my life, he could of sent me a friend request as well or a test or something and that says a lot right there. But anyway, just hearing people- either my mom, her friends, etc, talk about gay people they know, all I can think about is how I'm not out and I

So there have been times that i realize I am being checked out by guys and when I noticed, I smile and then feel weird about it. I am bi and find myself checking out more girls than guys. The other day when i was renewing my ID, I found myself smiling at the girl who was waiting on me and I was also nervous because I didn't have one of the things with me that I needed and was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to get my ID done and then I would be screwed for my new job. But yeah, that all worked out and the girl sitting next to her caught my eye and smiled at me and then I relaxed a little. This was a new experience for me to actually try and check out a girl and I don't know if she noticed what I was doing, but she was busy working on my stuff and I was trying to other to freak out because I really needed to get this done. Anywho,  we finished and she handed me my stuff and called me sweetie, and told me to have a good day...and I left...but that experience keeps sti

So I have been meaning to blog for awhile and now I am actually doing it. Funny thing is that in order to blog, I need to have privacy and be by myself...which I guess is privacy lol...anywho, I blog about my sexuality on the site I'm on, but I haven't used this for ages. Anywho, I couldn't sleep last night and I started to think of the times that I don't fit in with the rest of my family and it occurred to me that the reason was because I am less vanilla than they are. Let me explain- 1. My mind is a very sexual place!- there are so many times I am thinking about what it would be like to wear a collar and just have some one else take control and submit to someone. I love the look of a girl kneeling on a leash and there are times that I have thought about others doing it as well... Like our neighbor and her husband and I have to wonder if they are kinky or not..and then I realize it's none of my business but still... There was a time I was in a online relationsh

So tonight our neighbor came over and we were talking about religion and she was asking me if i went to the church to look for cute guys and it totally threw me off guard because it was unexpected and also because right now I'm not looking for anyone and just there and honestly if i was looking for someone, i don't know if it would of been a guy or a girl and after our conversation i realized i need the connection that i had before where i could talk to people about this stuff going through my head.

So i am wanting to meet people and connect with followers through my blog. How do you get followers through twitter? I live in my own little world and want other people to come and visit...i want to meet and talk to people through my blog...

So after thinking about it, i realized that every so often my old friend comes to me to show me parts of myself that i haven't been focusing on or neglecting.. We were in our own little world and most people thought we were a couple unless you knew he is gay and I'm bi or so it appears at the moment...still a work in progress and one reason i keep it to myself... So anyway, i am basically a loner again and that ironically was when i met him and i think what i miss is having that strong connection with people and i also need to have it with myself... I spend a lot of time thinking about him and almost wishing i could call him or text him but i know it has been years and i think instead of beating a dead horse, i need to work on that part of me that i found with him...

I don't know why, but I keep thinking of old friends of mine..one of them i had an intense dream about even though i haven't seen him for 2 years or maybe even longer and maybe its a sign that i need to be my own best friend and i haven't been doing much of that and i don't want to see him, but every so often he shows up in my dreams and maybe its because of how close we were and how after a lack of communication after the 2nd time of reconnecting, he never reached out and i didn't either...even though it has been awhile i still wonder what it would be like to run into him- would he even say hi or amything or act like we were never friends...its something i have thought about and maybe because we haven't talked at all and i had thought of texting at one point, but honestly, if you stop communication with someone and they don't reach out, why keep it up?

Well its after the hurricane and im just sitting here thinking and this was going to be a longer post, but im changing that soo here is one of the thoughts running in my head... I keep to myself mostly- i work with my coworkers and get along with most people and those that i don't get along with i don't bother with and they don't bother with me either...last year showed me the people i don't want to be around because they are all gossipy and concerned about what other people are doing and have to be the center of attention and this year i am.being selective in who i interact with...so far it has worked and the fact that we have been out for over a week due to Irma, that has helped too lol...but honestly, my concerns have been the hurricane and getting sleep and power...we have power now, but no water yet...hopefully soon.

What im starting to realize is that even if you talk to someone occasionally for advice, and this is someone who you were close to when you worked together and its not so much the case anymore. Im realizing that you can't expect people to do the same thing and be the same person they were awhile ago. Its just like you can't expect a response from someone wh3n you know that it will just make you more frustrated in the long run. A lot of my frustrations with other people come from my ecpectations and all that does is stress me out. One thing that was told to me was that people are going to be who they are and that is so true. I just didn't realize it until i switched jobs and saw the same crap going on...

So I'm sitting home and watching fuller house and realizing i want to connect with other people...i am bi and want to meet other people. I am working on myself and one thing I'm working on is being myself and not worrying about what other people think. I am also a huge big bang theory fan and have anxiety...i used to love it when an old friend of mine and i would hang out and i want to get that feeling back again... I am thinking of starting a community and see how that goes.