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Showing posts from December, 2017

Always thinking about being bi

Everytime I hear something about being gay or bi or something along those lines, I start to think about how I am slowly becoming more accepting of myself and yet not at the point of wanting to share it with the world or even people around me. It was easier years ago when I had my best friend around and had someone to talk to and share things with and there has been no one else like that in forever and I find myself thinking about him a lot. There was a time that we didn't talk after the first time I deleted and blocked him and then we reconnected and then had a period where I hardly heard from him and let him go again..I had thought about sending him a friend request again and then I realized that if he wanted to be a part of my life, he could of sent me a friend request as well or a test or something and that says a lot right there. But anyway, just hearing people- either my mom, her friends, etc, talk about gay people they know, all I can think about is how I'm not out and I

Checking out the girls, checked out by the guys

So there have been times that i realize I am being checked out by guys and when I noticed, I smile and then feel weird about it. I am bi and find myself checking out more girls than guys. The other day when i was renewing my ID, I found myself smiling at the girl who was waiting on me and I was also nervous because I didn't have one of the things with me that I needed and was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to get my ID done and then I would be screwed for my new job. But yeah, that all worked out and the girl sitting next to her caught my eye and smiled at me and then I relaxed a little. This was a new experience for me to actually try and check out a girl and I don't know if she noticed what I was doing, but she was busy working on my stuff and I was trying to other to freak out because I really needed to get this done. Anywho,  we finished and she handed me my stuff and called me sweetie, and told me to have a good day...and I left...but that experience keeps sti

Non Vanilla Thoughts...

So I have been meaning to blog for awhile and now I am actually doing it. Funny thing is that in order to blog, I need to have privacy and be by myself...which I guess is privacy lol...anywho, I blog about my sexuality on the site I'm on, but I haven't used this for ages. Anywho, I couldn't sleep last night and I started to think of the times that I don't fit in with the rest of my family and it occurred to me that the reason was because I am less vanilla than they are. Let me explain- 1. My mind is a very sexual place!- there are so many times I am thinking about what it would be like to wear a collar and just have some one else take control and submit to someone. I love the look of a girl kneeling on a leash and there are times that I have thought about others doing it as well... Like our neighbor and her husband and I have to wonder if they are kinky or not..and then I realize it's none of my business but still... There was a time I was in a online relationsh